So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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