she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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