im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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