It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize