What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
