even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
