Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
