I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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