Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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