When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
