While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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