Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
