New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
