i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
