The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she told me i tasted like america
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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