I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
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I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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