i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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