I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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