I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
