My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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