ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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