I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
