final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
