so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
