I am puke
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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