be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
