Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i was born a porn star she said
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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