you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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