someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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