Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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