I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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