i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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