I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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