he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize