he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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