i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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