he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
