waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
