I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
