Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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