The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
