hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
