Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize