please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
