Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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