I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
