I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
