It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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