Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is Oprah even human
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
