i jhust puked up my retainher.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
