i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
