and you said cock pushups were impossible
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
