just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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