you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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