i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
