It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
