Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
