just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
