All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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