I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
