3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
