remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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