So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
