The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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